By Myles Palmer
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Occasionally, I interview myself.
Why?
Just to see what comes out when I type in this format.
Why was Vieira so feeble against Portsmouth?
Because he got a heavy kick from Steve Stone in the 4th minute.
Will Vieira ever be as inspirational as he was?
Let’s wait and see.
Will Lehmann leave?
Looks likely. Almunia is doing OK and made one fantastic save against Pompey. Van der Sar could come when Fulham sign Ricardo Batista, an exceptional lad from Vitoria Setubal. Van der Sar could go to Arsenal, Man United or Barcelona
What about Thierry’s form?
Sensational against Chelsea, excellent against Portsmouth. He is playing more in the box now. Pregnancy has made him a better footballer.
How promising is the Henry-van Persie partnership?
I like it a lot.Robin is raw, immature, erratic, goes for a grandstand play too often, turns into trouble. But Arsene is a master mentor for young players of all temperaments and nationalities. Here he is working with a Dutch kid who has bottle, confidence, wants to take the ball with his back to goal, and can scoot sideways or backwards into positions to receive the ball in the last third. RVP is fun to watch. His first Prem start was iffy but Sol’s 30 yarder won the game in 75 minutes. Van Persie’s Zico-pass after 90 seconds was superb. OK, the keeper cut the ball out before TH14 could get to it. But that pass alone shows that Robin van Persie will be a big success at Arsenal. He has a bit of everything and he CAN play with Henry. Not many dribblers have such a powerful shot, and can head the ball, and relish a bit of argy-bargy. RVP will add steel to the attack. Suker didn’t have that, Anelka didn’t.
What gossip do you hear?
Lots of stuff, don’t know what to believe. That Freddie had a bust-up with Lehmann, that Toure lost confidence playing with Cygan (that’s was why Kolo had a rocky month) and that Arsene called Reyes in and said, “You’re not doing it. What’s going on?”
Ronaldinho winning FIFA World Player?
I love him. A happy kid who tries a new trick in every home game and spends all week practicing it. There is a marvellous piece about Ronaldinho in the International Herald-Tribune tomorrow, Wednesday. Don’t miss it! If you read this article, you will never need to read another Ronaldinho feature. And, as a bonus, it tells you the whole story of the PSG-Man Utd-Barca transfer negotiations.
Is the Brazilian fit this week ?
No, Ronaldinho must have been injured before last Saturday’s Valencia game, a 1-1 draw. He was static. Never seen him so static. He stayed on the left side and didn’t have his usual sparkle, pace, invention, penetration- everything. If he had been fit, he would have been everywhere. He must have been feeling his ankle. But one pass, early on, slid through Angulo‘s legs, was sublime, uncanny, wholly surreal, even for Ronaldinho, who can limp faster than most players can run. He is elemental, a force of nature. As accurate as a hummingbird, bubbling like a volcano, Ronaldinho has transformed a club, become the team-leader. Yes, he tumbled for a penalty when they were 1-0 down at home.
Do you give credit to coach Frank Rijkaard?
Yes, Frank is a great guy and a humble guy and I love what he is doing there. He does not coach Ronaldinho, he manages him. But he needs four players in the window. Anelka would be awesome there. Even Anelka might bubble next to the volcano
Will you write better pieces on ANR in 2005 ?
I hope so ! I’ve had a bad year here. Haven’t written as much good stuff as usual.
Will you do ANR over the holiday?
A few pieces, if I’m not drinking. I find that alcohol and writing do not go together. If I drink two glasses of white wine I lose all motivation to write that day.
Who is your Footballer of 2004?
Cesc Fabregas. In second place, Chris Kamara on Sky. I love his enthusiasm.
Do you think Arsenal will win the title?
No, but if they do it will be their best achievement under AW.
Can they win the Champions League?
No.
Will Thierry win European Player in 2005 or 2006?
Yes. And he will say : it’s a team game.
Have you done your Xmas shopping yet?
Yes, but I might do more. Went to three shops on Monday morning. Did well in Selfridges and Harvey Nicks, but did a U-turn out of Harrods inside two minutes. Store was mobbed. Was walking down a sunny Park Lane at 10.45 am and there were very few pedestrians. A tall man was walking towards me. He had short grey hair and black trousers and a pale blue sportsjacket. He gave me a second glance and I realised, as we passed each other, that it was Peter Osgood. We have met, at Highbury, but he would not remember me. If I had clocked Ossie I would have shook his hand and wished him a Merry Xmas and told him, again, how much his talents meant to me when I was a young man.
When does Xmas actually start?
I don’t know. Two weeks ago Louise gave me a home-made Xmas pudding . My sister-in-law is a wonderful cook. Jan, Michael and Caroline don’t eat Xmas pudding but I love it. But Xmas isn’t as much fun now the kids are older. You do the same things, but it can’t be a lark like the old days. At 22 and 19, they no longer insist that I find the Nat King Cole CD on which he sings Frostie the Snowman. We always buy the tree from John, my gambling greengrocer, and we did that last Friday. I carried it halfway home and Caroline carried it the rest of the way. Gap year travels and tai chi have made her stronger. It’s a medium-sized tree and Caroline and I put it up yesterday and she decorated it while I played El Juicio by Keith Jarrett. Must listen to more vinyl next year, it sounds so succulent, far superior to CD sound.
Do you enjoy last night’s family dinner in a Chinese restaurant ?
Very much. I like Xmas crackers that contain tiddlywinks. You can ping them across the table at your neice without your wife noticing. Jan’s brother David remembers playing cricket against Peter Osgood in 1976 : “Very good cricketer, very good fielder.”
So you enjoy the holiday period?
Yes, peace on earth and good will to all men. I’m an atheist with deep Christian values. Peace on earth? I’ll buy tickets for that, as my Dad used to say.
Is this a healthy time of year?
It can be if you get out in the fresh air and see a match or two. Or play a few games. I had a kickabout game on snow when the girls were 13 and I’ve never known astroturf to misbehave so rudely. It came up in a nanosecond and smacked me on the forehead. These days we don’t have snow and we don’t have little kids with bobble hats either. We have global warming and students with mobiles and laptops. So it goes, as Kurt Vonnegut used to say.
Why do you sometimes ramble off the subject of football?
Because football is just an entertainment, just one part of life. There an implied question in some of my pieces. The question is : How does football fit into your life? I cannot know how it fits into your life, so I sometimes describe how it fits into mine.
What are your hopes for 2005?
I’m hoping we will be invaded by Martians.Two of them came to see me in October and I was terrified at first when I saw two little green men by my bedside at 4 am. Their heads glowed in the dark.
What did they say to you?
One of them said, “Myles, we’re gonna come down soon and re-organise the world for you because too many of you humans are clueless, violent bastards. What’s the first thing we should do?” I was shocked and half-asleep but I managed to say, “Make sure the media is less important. The media ruin everything.”
What else did they say?
Nothing. There was a tiny electronic hum, just like a science-fiction film, and they vanished. Obviously, Martians are wiser and more advanced than earthlings.
Did somebody come home five minutes ago?
Yes, Caroline from Brent Cross. She was at the cashier’s in John Lewis behind a blond woman. The woman paid and walked away and the cashier said, “Did you see Baby Spice?” Caroline worked up there last Xmas. “Even famous people have to go shopping. Cat from Eastenders asked me if we had a remote-control helicopter.”
Is this your longest article?
No, because it ends right here. Peace, love, Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year to all Gooners, Gunners and ANR readers everywhere across the great Arsenal diaspora. Take care of each other !
December 21st 2004