I don’t know anybody who thinks Steve McClaren should be England coach.
He is too dull and has no balls. It’s so arduous to watch Steve do a three-minute soundbite that I usually switch off or leave the room.
Sadly, the FA hired a guy who is not qualified for the big job. And they are so scared of the media that they pick the England team to please 15 journalists. That is ridiculous. That can never be a formula for success.
The next England coach has to be his own man and not somebody who needs a former incumbent to hold his hand.
He has to be somebody who is bright and tactically astute. He has to have balls. He has to speak good English. He has to command the respect of millionaire players. He has to be a proven winner. He has to have won titles and European trophies. He has to make the team better than the sum of its parts. It’s a big job and the FA is rich and they pay a huge salary of £4 million.
England fans have suffered under Graham Taylor, a Third Division full back, and Kevin Keegan, a cheerleader, and Terry Venables, who the took Crystal Palace’s offside trap to Barcelona, and Glenn Hoddle, who believed in God and Eileen Drewery and told Michael Owen he wasn’t a natural finisher.
We’ve had 17 years of hurt since Gazza excited the English nation at Italia 90.
We are not that great at football but we now have a several good players and we desperately need somebody who can give us a team that is solid and intermittently exciting, a team that is very hard to beat.
Sven got us to three quarter-finals but he sat on his hands during those quarter-finals when we needed somebody inspiring, somebody who could win a tight game from the bench.
In a word, we need somebody charismatic. And there is somebody who could get a grip of the team quickly. There is somebody bright and cocky and funny who would take charge immediately and change the England team into everything that it should be.
This guy could get a grip of the England team in two hours. I’m sure of that.
Jose Mourinho could get a grip of the England team in two hours.
In an international week we all need to find other things to do, other things to talk about, so last night we went to the cricket, me and Michael.
The game started at 4.30 and it was a NatWest Pro-40 League game and Jan had a staff meeting and she wasn’t gonna be home till 5, so we left a note, and then at 6.30 I said, “Call Mum and then let me have a word with her.”
So Michael calls Jan and talks to her and just as he hands the phone to me there’s a big roar from the crowd.
“Was that a six?” says Jan.
“No, it was a wicket. Derbyshire are now 175-5.”
After 40 overs Derbyshire are 196 for 9 and then they put the floodlights on. We are witnessing history : the first floodlit match at Lord’s.
Then it is the Ed Joyce Show as the tiny left-handed opener hits the bowlers all round the ground. The sweet thwack of willow on leather actually sounds more like smack, crack, krack, krack, krack, KRACK !
“He’s playing as if he’s got another engagement later tonight, ” says Michael.
When Ed Joyce doesn’t hit a four he’s lightning between the wickets and he looks as if he can win the match on his own. But then, incredibly, at 8.05 pm, he’s caught and bowled for 68 and Andrew Strauss comes in and Middlesex are soon 114-1 and then Smith is caught and they’re 152-2 off 161 balls.
Then, at 8.55pm, Strauss is bowled. I see the bails flip off from 100 yards away, or I think I see the bails flip off, and for a nanosecond Strauss doesn’t react and neither do the fielders and it’s as if Strauss is wondering how on earth the ball has gone past his bat and hit his wicket. It looks like the body language of bewilderment.
But by then it’s 152-3, only 45 needed to win.
The mood is light-hearted. As you would expect, lots of suits came in after 5 pm, and some kids at the front start a bit of banter with the fielder on the boundary just in front of us, Needham.
“Who are you?” they call. And then it’s, “Gimme an N, gimme an E, gimme an E.” And then it’s,”Need-ham for Eng-land, Need-ham for a Eng-land !” And then it’s 194-5 and needing 3 to win and Ben Scott is bowled to make it 194-6 and then Dalrymple hits the winning four at 9.35 pm.
Enjoyable late summer entertainment, very lively fielding, and the artificial light wasn’t too weird. Always, before this, I’ve watched cricket in daylight and daylight has been as much part of the game as having three stumps and six balls per over, so I never gave a thought to floodlit cricket.
But it’s OK. The lights don’t spoil the fun.