Paraguay play for a draw, England win on set-pieces. Next!

THE ENGLAND  players will be tense and the German players will be very tense because they play today at  5 pm in the first game of this 64-match World Cup.

It’s been a very long week for Herr Lehmann, waiting  to prove himself to the Munich crowd,  but now the 18th World Cup is here – and the Germans have to beat Costa Rica.

American writer Paul Gardner did some research on the consequences of losing your first game and sent his piece to Rob Hughes, who forwarded it to me.

Of 23 nations who lost their opening matches in 1998 and 2002, only Turkey survived the group stage.

Of the 23 nations who won their first game, 20 went through to the second round.

There were 18 teams who drew their first game and 11 of those qualified for the next stage.

Every coach knows it : DON’T LOSE YOUR FIRST GAME !!!!

PARAGUAY are a skilful but short team and England should be able to beat them on set-pieces.

Striker Roque Stanta Cruz is not match fit, left back Delio Toledo of Real Zaragoza has had practice kicking David Beckham in the Primera Liga, and Jose Mondial is a 19-year old midfielder who is hot stuff, according to mon ami Philippe Auclair. Mondial is on his way to Udinese.

We might not create much in open play, but Beckham can deliver a decisive dead ball. We can score a goal a game from set-pieces in this World Cup.

SVEN IS NOT in a good place. He hasn’t been for a long time now. Battered, disoriented, humiliated by the media, and by his own greed and gullibility in the fake sheikh affair, the Swede has put the house on the market and is leaving Regents Park.

I reckon Sven is the greatest con-man I’ve ever met, but a couple of my closest friends think he is a good coach who listens to his senior players.

When Rooney was crocked 42 days ago, Sven was in a hellish place because he knew, just as I know, that Rooney’s belligerent genius almost covers up the fact that Sven cannot balance his midfield.

If Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard have not clicked by now, they will never click.

I love Frank, a shrewdly mobile man of all midfield trades, and I love Stevie G, a marvellous running machine with a nice lad’s sense of humour.But Sven usually gets the worst of both, the best of neither. That’s why we have no chance of winning the World Cup. That and Owen’s ability to lose the ball.

What do you think of Sven’s decision to include Theo Walcott?

I still cannot believe he did that. And I still cannot believe that a 17-year old Arsenal reserve can have any relevance to a serious quest for a place in the semi-final and final of aWorld Cup.

In simple terms, Sven is asking Theo to jump up  four levels. The jump to the Arsenal first team is one level, the jump to Champions League is two levels, the jump to international football is three levels, and the jump to face the best of  five continents, at the World Cup Finals, is four levels.

How can a seventeen year old novice jump up four levels ? Tell me, somebody, please !

If  Sven wins this World Cup, I will quit football writing. Because  Sven will  have proved that I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Of course, I hope I’m wrong, I hope England play well and win games. I always hope England do well, but readers expect me to say what I really think, rather than be a cheerleader who writes propaganda.

IN THE EIGHTIES I would often sit down on a Tuesday morning and write a preview for The Scotsman which was critical of the team and their last performance.

But when I got there, I was into it and I’d usually get my binoculars and watch the warm-up by both teams, rather than  stay in the cosy press lounge and chat to journalists I had not seen for three days.

Always, when the game kicked off, I wanted England to win.

Invariably, after a dire first half, I’d go in at half-time and get a cup of tea and say, “They are playing more intelligently than us,” and some weary pal would say, “Every team in the world plays more intelligently than us.”