From Dominic Wright :
Hi I’m Stan,
I live in the US and I own a soccer team in little old London, England called Arsenal.
Every year that soccer team makes a profit, and the value of the club gets bigger and bigger, so I become richer and richer
The profit comes from global TV rights, corporate ticket sales, merchandise, and tourists who think that attending a game is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The performance of the team is irrelevant to a certain extent. There is this silly system whereby if Arsenal finish 4th in England, and get to the top 16 of the European competition, then I make a fortune.
To do any better would cost me a fortune, for very little gain, so why take the risk?
The risk to me is that they finish outside the top 4, but luckily for me, all of the other teams are run badly, mainly by egomaniacs who buy and invest as a lifestyle choice rather than pure business. Except for this Daniel Levy guy, who basically would sell his grandmother if someone offered him enough, I am the only real businessman in the league.
So, I’ll just carry on doing this forever, as it’s great for me.
It’s basically perfect. Well, 99% perfect.
One bit of our income comes from what the Brits call “fans”, but these guys are just a strange group of guys who will turn up every week whatever happens out of loyalty.
The issue with these guys is that they occasionally cause a fuss. They shout and scream and throw stuff and they only shop in the club shop once a year.
I have found that if I put the price up enough, then these guys disappear, and I can replace them with new guys who will spend more in the club shop. I can tell they are getting fewer and fewer, as the away match against local rivals Spurs has a smaller and smaller security requirement every year.
However, the crazy thing is that Londoners are richer than most people, so I have a few of these fans still hanging around as they can still afford the prices we charge them.
Basically, whatever we charge them, they will pay, but sooner or later they will disappear as it’s a different experience to what it used to be and not something they really enjoy any more. They like competition, battles, and aggro, whereas soccer is about advertising,
I just have to shake these last few guys who are letting me down. To help me do this, I have this great guy called Arsene Wenger, who I pay £8 Million a year. Now this guy is an absolute legend.
Probably my best employee in any of my businesses, and that’s why I pay him what I do. 10 years ago, and before I owned the team, he created the best soccer team of all time. They call them The Invincibles.
The few fans that can still afford to attend the stadium also think Arsene Wenger is a legend because of that team, but gradually these fans are turning against him and disappearing too.
These last fans now think it is down to Arsene that the team doesn’t win anymore. Funny how they would think that. I own the team, so if we wanted to win, I would buy the best players. I don’t because it will lose me profit, and yet they shout at Arsene, before disappearing forever, which is great as it means we can attract new followers who spend more and make us more profit.
It was actually Arsene who put me on to this strategy. A few years ago we had this player called Gervinho. Lovely lad, but absolutely useless. Headless chicken type. Every week, Arsene would put him in the side, yet the fans shouted at Gervinho for being useless. Arsene picked the player, yet the fans shouted at the player. I mean, he didn’t pick himself, yet somehow it was his fault. Very peculiar, but it gave me an idea.
To get rid of these last few fans, I could do with Arsene hanging around a few more years.
If I were to employ someone new as manager, and he comes 4th, then the fans will work out it’s me who has the lack of ambition. They might even start coming back and shouting at me losing me profits due to a lower match day spend than my target followers. So, I better offer Arsene £10 Million a year for his new contract. After all, what man of his age is going to turn that down?
They call Arsene the greatest spin doctor in English football. They really didn’t see us Yanks coming.
Thanks Arsene, and Arsenal. You have looked after me.
Stan “loadsamoney” Kroenke