By Myles Palmer
THIS morning my agent sent me an e-mail saying: Congratulations! You’re in the top ten first time out!
So that was a surprise. I had not thought of checking in The Sunday Times list of best-selling sports books.
I’m in the chart with such notable prose stylists as Jaap Stam, David Batty and Geoff Hurst.
But I don’t think any of us have much chance of knocking Shane Warne off the No.1 spot.
Had to miss my Sunday morning Tai Chi class but I loved being on LBC with Australian legend Brian Hayes, a man who knows a lot about a lot of things but treats his guests with respect.
Before we talked about The Professor Brian read out a section of the Prologue from the book.
If I had not known it already, I would have realised, from the section he chose, that he is a very sharp operator. I just grinned inwardly and went with the flow.
He asked me to review five stories from the Sunday supplements.
I enjoyed that but I made a serious mistake.
After the programme three of us came out of the studio into the office – Brian, myself and comedian-producer Mark Dolan – and we chatted about Elton John, whom Brian had met in 1973, and about Chelsea. Brian said he is a Chelsea supporter but he doesn’t get to go to matches anymore.
The first thing I SHOULD have said when we came out of the studio was this : “Brian, I’m sorry I was stuttering in there. I was having trouble reading aloud the paragraphs from the Don King feature, and the Elton interview, and the John Lahr book review,because I forgot my glasses.
“I only got my first reading glasses TWO WEEKS AGO.I still pick up The Guardian and start reading it.Then half an hour later I remember that I have glasses which will make the print bigger, so I put them on.
“I left home this morning without my specs because I had never taken them out of the house. So they are not part of my checklist : keys,cash,biro.
“When I read the papers in the office before going on air, the office was brightly lit and I could read the articles easily without my glasses. But inside the studio the light was dim and I was struggling. If I had realised this in time I could have asked for more light.
“So I hope you don’t think I am too vain to wear glasses. It’s not vanity, it’s just inexperience. I like my glasses and enjoy reading with them. But I often don’t remember to put them on.”
Today I told my American friend Annette about this. She wears glasses and works for Reuters in the same ITN building that houses LBC. She roared with laughter.
Annette said I will still be forgetting to put my glasses on in a year’s time.Everyone does at first. I felt a bit better when she told me that.
September 10th 2001.